on the cover: Johannes Neumeier www.konturart.net/gallery

Proponents of the teaching of Intelligent Design in science class often mention that science is as much of a faith as that found in any religion.  This statement necessitates that the debate about this continues.  

To say that science can be likened to faith is like saying Crisco is just another kind of butter.   On the surface, yes, they’re both spread-able fat products, just like religion and science are schools of thought where someone tells you something and you either believe it or you don’t.  However, that’s where the similarities end.   

Religion is a school of study whereby one seeks answers to why humans are here in the grand scheme of things. It bases its tenets on very old books which use allegory as a teaching tool. This is certainly appropriate for a line of study intended to put you in a deeper state of mind and open your consciousness up to spirituality and humanistic teachings.  Science is a school of study whereby one seeks practical answers to how things actually work.  It bases it’s tenets on observations and experimentation.  Science is only a faith if you misunderstand the questions it tries to answer.  Even if your cynicism prevents you from believing anything from someone else’s mouth, science publishes all of its experiments and observations and asks nothing of the viewer other than they make the most reasonable conclusion from the results of those experiments and observations.

Science, being practical in spirit, will change its books based upon new observations or more acceptable explanations. While the cornerstone of science is reasonable observation as an explanation of natural phenomena faith is not only the cornerstone of religion  but is also the point of its question. In short, they are two completely separate arguments.   

Therefore, if the two attempt to answer different questions, there is no basis for conflict. Using an expression of religion to describe natural phenomena is akin to buttering your bread with Crisco. While it is possible to do so, it also leaves you with a horrible taste in your mouth and most people will agree there is a better alternative that is more suitable.

Similarly it makes less sense to apply the deeper question of human experience (religion) to a simple study of how things actually work (science). Nowhere in science’s application or rulebook is the possibility of God, even an anthropomorphic Christian God, discounted.  If these methods of exploration are not answering the same question, then they certainly don’t belong in the same classroom. You wouldn’t teach Shakespearian literature in an English cooking class, or the equations that govern investment banking in a corporate architecture class, so why would you attempt to teach spiritually faith-based beliefs in a class on practical biology? 

And for those that still believe that a truth found in one class will negate the other, let me ask you this: Why couldn’t an Intelligent Designer have modeled evolution? Science will never answer the question of why we’re here because that’s not what it’s seeking. So too, religion will never describe with as much accuracy as science, the actual workings of natural phenomena.  

So to those who remain willfully ignorant of the logical distinction between scientific methodology and theological investigation, I would ask the following question: Why not accept the coexistence of both as separate but equally interesting methods of exploration and let people exercise their free will to decide which question they are more interested in having answered?  Is it that they’re afraid they
might have actually come from monkeys?  Well, monkeys can lick their own elbows. Can you?

A children's book for adults, God's Acre's "stories within stories" follow two children in a graveyard full of secrets. It is also an ongoing example of collaborative publishing whereby multiple artists and writers are able to flex their muscles within a single compelling narrative.

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Norman went back home and in a blissful and frantic state began shouting her name and his love for her to the ravens.  He did his best to move around the thousands of trinkets they’d brought him into some sort of organized or pre-designed state, but of course, it was of no use since they’d practically run him out of space. 

His favorite chair sat in its usual spot in the middle of the room, facing the door.  It was old and antique, thick and heavy, made of dark wood.  Its cushions were a faded wine color with seams of golden buttons that affixed the cushions to the wooden frame.  A few of his ravens were perched in their usual spot, atop the two-balled spires that ornamented the sides of the back of the chair, and since he’d practically knocked the wind out of himself in his frenzy of nervous emotion, he sat down in the chair for some long, deep breaths and awaited her knocks. 

Well, he must ha/’ve accidentally drifted off to the sounds of his own thumping heartbeat because he awoke some time later to a torrent of commotion.  His door was half open, which he’d apparently forgotten to lock in his excitement.  His new lady-friend was standing 3 feet in the doorway, which she opened after a couple attempts at knocking.  Norman hadn’t heard them in his drowsy state.  He’d gotten used to the guttural chirps of his ravens and they tended to drown out much of the sounds of the outside world.  But what did wake him was the screaming, and the force of what felt like a gail of wind in the room that was creating the scene he was now witnessing. 

His ravens, being completely unused to visitors in their giant nest, were frantically flying around.  All 40 of ‘em.  Just doing circles above them both, as if the room was some sort of aerial racetrack. 

‘Aghhhh…Norman, what’s going on?  Get them away from me!!!’ she was screaming, absolutely horrified to walk in on such a scene.  Norman did his best to calm down the situation that was clearly unraveling in from of him.

‘No, wait…its ok, they won’t hurt you.  They’re just excited,’ he pleaded to her, knowing that the raven’s must be so overjoyed at finally meeting this woman.  Her instincts, on the other hand, seeing all these circling birds told her that they were on the verge of a pecking frenzy.  She just flailed her arms around trying to protect herself, not really even hearing what he had said.   

‘It’s ok, these are my ravens.  They’re just happy to see you, I’ve been telling them all about you!’ he pleaded again, but this time he knew he had said the wrong thing.

To learn more about God's Acre please visit www.omnibucket.com/godsacre.

Recording Session Recollections, by Bill Jordan

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Sitting on the steps of Shangri-La Studio Thursday morning, I enjoyed a cigarette and a cup of coffee with a nip of Maker's Mark. The sky was clear and the outside world was warming up to 8am.  For the past two years we have been writing this album. Composing and revising and revising...and revising some more until the songs were as meaningful to us they could possibly be. Now it was up to us to record all 12 songs in 3 days.

 So there I was. All I had to do was open the door and walk downstairs to begin. I tried my best to cherish that moment of excitement and anticipation...to think about how lucky I am to be a part of making this music, a part of this band...to experience the highs and lows of unrestrained creativity. I squashed out my Camel Light under my boot and walked down into the studio. 

Our producer, Duane Lundy, greeted us warmly as we looked around Shangri-La. The studio was absolutely beautiful...with a serene atmosphere, lots of room, and plenty of cool shit to play with. After getting everything set up, we started recording basic tracks at around 3pm. Watching from the control room, I could see Otis and Dez (Jason was obscured by a wall). They were intensely focused and communicating with nods and smiles. As they perfectly ripped through our songs, I felt a sense of pride watching them. It felt like I was watching a movie about a great rock and roll band. We got half of the basic tracks done by about 1am and went back to Coop's place to crash. 

The next morning we started off at 9am. We finished the rest of the basic tracking by early afternoon and I started on vocals. I got half of the songs done. We left at about 10pm. 

On the third and final morning, we started at 10am...adding extra percussion and instrumentation to the basic tracks. Dez now wants to own an accordion. I finished up vocals by 8pm and Dez added backups. 

All of the sudden, there I was again, on the front steps of Shangri-La, smoking a cigarette, sipping Maker's Mark. Only this time I was wondering how the hell time passed so quickly. All that hard work, all that build-up. In a whirlwind of 3 days, it was all gone. No more worries or anticipation. Somehow, we pulled it off. And it still hasn't sunk in yet. We owe a lot of credit to our producer.

From the very beginning, Duane's enthusiasm for the project was infectious. He knew the songs in and out and knew exactly what we wanted them to be...how we wanted them to sound. It was almost eerie. Sometimes it seemed like he was reading our minds. On top of that, he was a virtuoso behind the boards. I've never seen anyone work that fast or precisely...in any type of job. And he seemed to know exactly how to coax the best performances out of us. Now I see how important it is to work with a great producer.

I wish I had more recollection of what actually happened down in the studio. The process was so intense and fun and dream-like that I barely remember anything at all. That said, I think when you hear this album, you'll have an idea of what happened down there...what it felt like.

As for how the album sounds...let me just say that our fans are going to be very, very happy.  I know I am.

To learn more about Eleventy Billion Miles Away please visit www.omnibucket.com/eleventybillion.

Horrible Celebrity Anagrams

 1| Paul Abdula; 2| Tigers Wood; 3| The Raz
Answers: Paula Abdul; Tiger Woods; The Rza

Movie Reviews... of the Future !

 METAMUCIL PRESENTS: INDIANA JONES 4:  An elderly Indiana Jones escapes the retirement home to search of the Holy Grail. Two hours later, he remembers he already did that, like, 20 years ago. Indy then remarks, “Hey, this isn’t the Sahara desert, it’s a Denny’s.”   Defining moment: Producer George Lucas introduces a cgi character named Goonga LaPoopiepants whose catch phrase is, “Yousa gunna find da gwail?”

BASIC INSTINCT 2: V for VAGINA: In the most unnecessary sequel since Cannonball Run 2, Sharon Stone is shocked to discover that everyone’s basic instinct is to vomit and run away each time she reveals her ancient cooter.  Defining moment: She reveals her ancient cooter.

The Carlos Ray Living Memorial to the Unknown Contributor A few more little-known facts about... Mr. Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the f*** down.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Please fill out the form below and we'll give you something for free.
No, it's not pneumonia...it's something better.

Why are there so many damn songs about rainbows?
We don't know, but what we do know is that you take care of the people that take care of you, like these two.