Ology Magazine, published by Omnibucket

Cyril was born in Vienna, Austria in 1977 and at age 10 started shooting with his first camera, a Yamashica which allowed 2 photos per frame. At age 16 he quit school and moved to England for 6 years. He spent a memorable winter in Scotland in a flat without heating and shortly afterwards he traveled to Africa for five weeks and experienced the other extreme. In 1998 he moved to Ireland and began working for his father, Gottfried Helnwein, as his art production assistant. In 2002, he helped set up his father's Los Angeles studio and after contacting Marilyn Manson, Cyril was able to conduce an artistic collaboration and long-lasting friendship between Gottfried Helnwein and Marilyn Manson. His most recent show, exhibiting his latest photography series "The Ethereal", was in March 2005. Over 800 people attended the show hosted by actors Christopher & Danny Masterson in the artist district of Los Angeles. Visit him online at www.cyrilhelnwein.com.

1.) If you had to place a bet on a Bolton vs Tesh deathmatch, who would you put your money, how much would you put down, and how does your recent work relate to that decision?

When I first read the question, I immediately thought of Bolton (a town in England), the football team. And then I thought, how come I've never heard of the team Tesh? So I had to go on line and do a quick little look, only to discover you meant two dreadful musicians. Anyway, to make a long story short, I'd put my money on Tesh only because he has the power of Christ on his side (see his "Christmas Worship" DVD).

2.) Do you find that working with such a well known name has been more of a benefit or a hindrance to the development of your own career?

A benefit for sure.

3.) What was the best interview question you’ve been asked, and can you please answer that question for us?

Hmm... probably "You grew up in a family of artists who mixed up with worldwide famous artists such as Andy Warhol; considering your peculiar familial background,were you bound to become an artist?" to which I said: "I am definitely fortunate to have grown up the way I grew up - I wouldn't want it any other way. My parents didn't over-control me as a kid or treat me like an idiot, and I travelled a lot with my father and got to experience different cultures and I had childhood friends from all parts of the world. This definitely has a lot to do with who I am now, but at the same time this doesn't mean another person in my shoes would have grown up to become the same person. I think everyone is an artist to a bigger or lesser degree, some just don't know it or have it suppressed somehow.

4.) What do you think of the ARC purists out there who believe in perpetuating the ideal of a "genius" artist? Is such an archetype purely mythical or should such a role be something an artist should strive toward?

That is a matter of opinion - everyone has their own taste and that goes for art too. Just because a piece of art was made using non-traditional methods doesn't mean it's better or worse. The Nazi's even had a term for art they considered bad - "degenerate art". Personally I think the best way to judge art is by yourself, to the degree that it impinges on you or moves you.

5.) What are your feelings with regard to the incorporation of non traditional methods of art making, specifically the use of digital tools?

I'm sure if Beethoven or Davinci were around in this day and age, they'd be tech nerds.

6.) "Ology” refers to “the study of”. What is your Ology?

I don't try to study anything with my photos, and I don't try to teach anything with it eather. But I like having the fun it is for me to create them, so I'll take some Funology please.

To learn more about Cyril Helnwein please visit www.cyrilhelnwein.com.

Excerpt from brainchild, a zombie book. Words & Image by Scott Lambridis

Here's a quick preview...

“Lop off the head and crush the brain.” Of all the words in the world, those are the ones I’m stuck with. The syllables spreading like viruses in the walls of my own brain, reflecting off the walls with a hollow thud. They’re the last words I heard, before the world went silent and bright. There was fire blazing everywhere before. People screaming, naked bodies. I can’t see anything now but a red-yellow halo around the rest of her body. I have no idea how long I’ve been staring at it. I don’t care, now that the world is silent and I’m in the wake of heaven.

I swear I would’ve asked her to marry me. I swear. If we’d just made it out together. Joke’s on me, of course. How big of a loser do you have to be to fall in love with a prostitute. Of all the places for the end of the world to knock on your door. The dead invading the celebration of life. Or I guess it’s business side. The oldest profession. Ha. Tell that to the gravekeeper.

I don’t know if she was ‘different’. It’s not like that. She was what she was. But when the fire started and those gray hands began tunneling through the walls...I was in safety I thought. My escape. In the arms of a goddess in exchange for a few hours pressing steel on an extra shift. Not even a question of worth. Ruby red hair, opal like a shard of oyster shell stained with grapefruit juice. Milky skin, smelling like talc and sex.

Poor thing didn’t even think to get her clothes on when the first one busted through our window. The fear in her eyes. I won’t forget that. It’s a terrible thing for beauty to have that look. It actually shot pain through my gut. The only selfless feeling I‘ve ever had. Never felt nausea like that in my life. The nausea drove me. Fight or flight. Grab your angel, become her halo, throw your body around her and jump out the window. My god how hot it got in that room in those few seconds. And the view on the way down, I can’t believe we didn’t notice before.

“Lop off the head and crush the brain, you asshole”. Oh yeah, I forgot about that part. I was the asshole. Frozen with a machete in one hand, and a fallen angel in the other. She had a whole new look in her eyes then. The attic in my family home. A footprint of laughter and tears. A ghost of a lifetime held in fading dusty photographs. Dead to the world, with no one left to care. Except me. It was the least & the best I could do for her now. She meant so much to me these last couple months. A few moments of care & respect, before necessity took over.

“Lop off the head and crush the brain, you asshole, she’s eating my fucking leg!!!” Goddamn ingrate. I let her finish the job, before I clipped her wings. Have some fucking respect. Even with human flesh between her teeth, you’d die for a taste of those lips. I know I did. I might even come back for more.

To learn more about Brainchild, a collection of artifacts, please visit www.omnibucket.com/brainchild.

Tour Diary, by Bill Jordan

Choctoberfest at the Blind Pig

It was full of gas, hope, and spiders, but van #2 has officially been driven into the ground. It exploded on our way to Ann Arbor. We never got to name it officially, but most referred to it as ‘The Bird’, in honor of the dead sparrow in the grill. About an hour outside of Columbus, Otis let out a Homer Simpson yell while trying to keep The Bird under control, as the brakes, power steering, water pump, and who-knows-what-else went to hell in a mass exodus of fluids and smoke. Thankfully, Finkelstein's lady received our text message of distress and met us on the side of the highway with her minivan. So we packed that fucker up, wedged ourselves in between the equipment, and continued on. Bye Bird. We'll miss you. When we got to The Blind Pig, the staff promptly ID'd us, slapped wristbands on us and started reciting the "venue rules".

Despite the overzealous staff, The Blind Pig was an awesome venue with considerable rock n' roll history. This event was put on by one of our favorite bands, Downtown Brown from Detroit. For real. These guys kick ass with a cold-blooded passion. Like Tenacious D jamming with Primus, Rage, and Tool. Plus, Neil P. and Hairy Bob are two of the nicest dudes we've met on the road. And we’re told they give great twisty handjobs. Anyway, we got to hang out together for about an hour before our set, enjoying a complimentary tub of Rolling Rocks, passing around boodah, and having an all-around good time. When we took the stage, the club was near full, and after the travel difficulties we were all ready to let loose and swing the proverbial sledge hammer at the bell. That we did. And the crowd ate it up. This was probably my favorite performance we've had on the road. It's amazing to play in a new city to a large group and have them hang on every note. It's a shared moment that neither the band nor the crowd forgets. When shows like this happen, it makes all the other bullshit like exploding vans, debt, mangled relationships, sleepless traveling, etc. worthwhile. In fact, everything in the world kind of melts away and we all get to share in a wild moment of loud, sweaty transcendence. That's what we're going for. That's a Black Cat Revival. Get thee behind thee Beelzebub! After our set, we made a ton of new friends. The people were awesome and bought up our CD's and asked for autographs and pictures. The rest of the night, I spent bouncing between backstage and the floor...having a [jellyfish] blast, mind you. Both the Brainsaw and Downtown Brown brought the house down. It was an honor to have been a part of such an excellent show. And we definitely can't wait to get back to Ann Arbor. Hey, can you give us a ride? I don't remember when we got home. I left my favorite shoes in Ann Arbor. They made me run fast. Now I am slow AND sad.

To learn more about Eleventy Billion Miles Away please visit www.omnibucket.com/eleventybillion.

TESTIMONIAL OF THE MONTH -
“What, did I offend you?” by Giuliano Fontanez
or (This guy...and this still ain’t no joke.)

“The penis mightier than the sword.” Er, pen. Pen is. Right. Who said that? Was it Franklin? Eisenhower? Lionel Ritchie? It doesn’t matter. What DOES matter is this: Two months ago we published a freelance encounter with a bigot that one of our dear contributors had recently experienced. Well, it seems as a result of the exposure in Ology (& the design community as a whole) he’s received another response from the same client, this with a different tune. Without further ado here is that response:

Dear Scott, I understand that my harsh remarks have inspired you to take cruel actions of terror against me. This is not in the least surprising. I am aware of your crass posting of our personal, private correspondence on the world wide web. I am aware of your concentrated efforts in collaboration with your girlfriend to sabotage our efforts on the Orlandocentral web forum. And I am aware that it was you and your girlfriend who e-mailed me upon the launching of my website to make childishly rude remarks on my success, and to get information out of me about my publications so that you may try to further tarnish my good name.

Ed. note: our contributor has assured Ology that that Fontanez’ s experiences are not part of a larger ‘conspiracy’ rather they are the direct result of his peers reacting to his own words, which we published earlier. Who could have guessed that labeling someone as having “serious genetic deficiencies” based upon Jewish heritage would cause such an adverse reaction?

I am aware of all this and am indifferent to it. I understand now that you feel you are very important and powerful and that you and your girlfriend can single-handedly ruin my life and career and hurt those I love. While I do not fear you I find it a pity that you are the type of person who would take it upon yourself to go to any lengths to hurt another human being. I think this alone says enough about the quality of your character.

Ed. note: Brrrrrring! Hello? Oh hi Irony, thanks for calling!

Nonetheless, I am writing to let you know I have no hard feelings. Frankly, I do not care and I will not submit to your terrorism.

Ed. note: ...except that I do care and am doing that...right now. Please god make it stop.

But, as a gentleman, I feel you are owed an apology from me for those statements which I made that went above and beyond the mere criticism of your poor performance with the job I hired you for and my dissatisfaction with your work and business ethic. My criticism I do not retract for it was sincere and fair. Like I said then, I do not feel the results you achieved reflect $600 worth of honest labour working towards the vision I shared and developed with you. However, this does not mean I had to curse and insult you and your Jewish people for it. In this I got carried away and I truly and absolutely apologize. Although I do not agree that your reaction of turning to cruelty and terrorism against me was the mature way of handling the situation, and resembles more a Nazi attitude than anything I have ever said or done against you, my racial remarks were, if not unfounded, definitely immature and inappropriate. I should not have gone that far.

Ed. note: Ah yes, nothing says “Sorry about the ‘Jew-hating’ remarks” like a comparison to a Nazi.

I hope you can find it in your heart to accept this apology and end this matter civilly. I think we both can. I’m even open to resolving the issue of the website in a mutually beneficial manner. Meaning if there’s still something minor you can do for the website so that Omnibucket can still get its credit in its creation—something which clearly you know would be of great benefit to your organization in the future—then I am not adverse to it,

Ed. note: There it is. The coup de grâce. “I am even open to resolving the issue...in a mutually beneficial manner” Read: ‘By the way, the site I tried to build myself blows, so... maybe you wanna finish that up for me?’

so long as we can respect each other’s sensibilities better this time. But that is entirely up to you. Irregardless of your decision to either loathe or respect me, I want you to know that I wish you the best and sincerely wish you find closure with me, as I have with you, and move forward from this in a positive direction.

Regards,
Giuliano A. Fontanez

Horrible Celebrity Anagrams

1| Dial Neimond; 2| Ggod Poons; 3| Il Jet
Answers: Neil Diamond; Snoop Dogg; Jet Li

Movie Reviews...of the Future !

(or...I have seen the future, and it is crap.)

Batman Begins Again: The Re-Beginninging - Tom Cruise takes on the roll of the caped crusader. In this installment, Batman’s crime-fighting techniques are beginning to falter, until he discovers a little book called Dianetics. With the help of co-star Katie Holmes, Batman learns the wisdom of L. Ron Hubbard, and how to channels his body’s potential energy. He is then immediately killed by the Joker.
Defining moment: “You don’t know the history of Gotham City, I do!”

Snakes on a Plane - The title is also the plot, the climax and the denouement. Best movie of the year.
Defining moment: Samuel L. Jackson sets up the sequel by noticing some lizards on a hovercraft.

i B10gg3d J00r M0m - “Techy Goodness”

Escher and the Droste Effect (http://escherdroste.math.leidenuniv.nl)

So, a bunch of mathematicians at Leiden University in the Netherlands apparently got tired of just bugging out at Escher's drawings and made animations to visualize the mathematical structure behind the Droste Effect. Pretty amazing. I actually just stopped the animation in the middle of the loop and I can see your mom getting it on stairways in multiple dimensions. So, all in all, pretty realistic.

3D Uber-tool

Also, I learned today that Autodesk (the makers of 3D Studio Max) have purchased Alias (the makers of Maya).
We can soon look forward to one giant 3D Uber-tool.
At which point your mother will probably eat it.
# posted by Otis @ 8:35 AM

Comments:

Escher learned his mastery of curves and difficult angles after years of intense study of your mother.

Oddly enough, for all his realistic prowess, he was never able to represent her chastity or dignity to much effect.
# posted by Fernando @ 9:16 AM

Please fill out the form below and we'll give you something for free.
No, it's not pneumonia...it's something better.

Why are there so many damn songs about rainbows?
We don't know, but what we do know is that you take care of the people that take care of you, like these two.